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humanhood story

humanhood story

this is not the beginning, but it is.

i started this journey when i was like 22/23 (2018-19). but i didn’t give it a full effort until 2023. this collection (one) is like a fresh start for me.

what changed was a lot of things. in 2019 i was in a dark place mentally. i was struggling with untreated bipolar mania to the point of straight up psychosis. i had been hospitalized for a few days in january 2019 for this mental health issue. and after i got out of the hospital i was supposed to see a psychiatrist and get on medication, but i refused. for over a year i was really delusional. i thought i was jesus and all this apocalyptic stuff was gonna happen… it was crazy.

one positive thing that did happen during this experience was my vision of heaven. one night in the spring of 2019, i was watching the sun set over the mountains from my apartment, as dusk set in, my living room got dark, so i turned on my tv and opened youtube and i put on some calming meditation music with a nature background, then i laid down on the couch. a few minutes had passed and i was feeling very calm and serene from the music. suddenly, a bright circle of light appeared at the ceiling corner of my living room. inside the circle of light was a skinny man sitting cross-legged on a small cloud. i think this was the Buddha, Siddhartha Gautama. he sort of floated back and started to guide me around this scene that was appearing within the circle of light. first he brought me to a room where i saw XXXTentacion, then another room where i saw Mac Miller, then we went into a large room with a stage at the front and there was a crowd of people watching Bob Marley perform a song on the stage, then we went out the side door of that concert venue and we were in like a big hall, and there by the door was Tupac, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. and Malcom X talking to each other, then we stepped back from them and Three people who looked like Kings walked up to us, then the vision faded. the whole time i was seeing this, my body was filled with the most peaceful and joyful feeling i have ever felt.

to this day, that vision and that feeling linger somewhere within me.

fast forward to fall of 2020. i had come down from my mania, but i was super depressed to the point of seriously contemplating suicide. so i went to a psychiatrist and he diagnosed me with bipolar and prescribed me some meds. i took them because i didn’t want to kill myself. and fortunately they helped, a lot. slowly but surely i started to feel more level-headed and more realistic with my thoughts. today, i still have slight symptoms of manic depression but overall i feel really clear and down to earth. even though i still dream of changing the world, i do it now with realistic expectations and understanding that things take time to change.

so how does this relate to humanhood?

i started drawing clothes around the same time i went crazy in 2019. [those drawings can be found here. ] i didn’t know anything about fashion design when i did those. i was just drawing because i liked to draw, and for some reason what came out was people with interesting outfits, and unique buildings and cities, and strange creatures. i did actually start a clothing company in like 2018, and i produced one hoody, but i didn’t really go all in with it so it failed.

then i kind of tried all sorts of other things to make money but they all failed because my heart wasn’t in any of them. also i just wasn’t in the right mind state to succeed.

so i found myself at age 26 (2022) with not much to show in terms of accomplishments. i knew i didn’t like college because i had tried twice and both times i just wasn’t vibing with it. since i was 18 i knew that i would have to go my own way and i always wanted to create my own business, especially a business that is a force for good in the world, but all my attempts in those first 8 years of adulthood had failed. yet my hope persisted.

i had thought of the name humanhood in late 2020 and i made a logo for it (the earth logo). i knew i wanted to use that name for something but i didn’t know what at the time. originally i was thinking it would be like a non-profit that builds communities in a new sustainable-ecological style for unhoused humans.

in 2022 i was starting to realize my true passion for designing clothes. i started putting all my time into designing. i had started to build on my old drawings of ancient-inspired outfits, and i was also designing tees and hoodies. i started to see clothing design and starting a brand as something i really wanted to do. at the same time i was contemplating my path in life and i was coming to the realization that all i really wanted to do was make art and be free to live my life without a boss or job tying me down. so i decided, after many years of trying to “make money”, to simply pursue freedom and do what i love to do in my life. and what i love to do is design and make things. anything, but mostly clothes. in 2022 i came to the conclusion that i would combine my passion for clothing and art with my dream of building new-age eco-communities/cities with pyramids, and i would call it humanhood®

and so in 2023, humanhood®, the clothing and art brand that makes ancient-inspired and modern streetwear and art with a mission to one day build new-age eco-communities for unhoused humans, was born. out of the necessity to be free and content in life, and out of the desire to pursue creativity, and out of the hope for a better world, comes beauty.

full collection (one) coming soon!

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